Ego Death

by Shakelous

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1.
2.
03:20
let's get it out son and flex this skill that i've perfected and turn the light switch on and off three times in a row this ocd shit got me stressing but really what's the lesson? what we learning? come on man let's go on and test it..... if x plus y means the square root of you how the fuck is that gonna help me get through to you? i mean, i've been trying, i've been grinding and climbing and boiling all the flavors of top ramen up on my oven i just, grind my teeth up in my sleep talk to myself till i can count up on some sheep vibe to the beat, speak whatever comes to mind and rewind it a couple times and see what i can find anything can inspire and this moment is a gift so in the present with my vocal presence i'ma fucking wreck it kid your quack rap turned me from a nice guy to an asshole and now it's time to set it straight and switch it to smash mode i've been down dwelling in the underground i've been down i've been down dwelling in the underground i've been down i've been down dwelling in the underground i've been down if i could count every promise that i made without plans to go through with it? i'd need at least a hundred more hands its the quiet introversive kid who's really a slick talker who shunned the light in the day to become a night walker armors necessary better get some for your stupid neck and face dead weight my brain is just dead space "fuck it" is my thesis, preach the gospel like i'm jesus if i'm stepping to that stage i'm set to tear that shit to pieces he's a meaner mother fucker than that dude who left your mom and i'm setting the bomb; get ready to run; i'm rolling upper echelon S - O - F was my system of beliefs but at this point? im not even peeping your last joint 'cuz my music is superior than everything you tried to do my entire crew is alright without a guy like you it's not beef, it's just jealously keep playing your part you're fucking ruining art
3.
[shakelous] each day i wake up more miserable than the last clocking in and out of work, watch a couple hours pass inhale some fresh air and lock myself away from that and spend whatever times left up on xbox or making tracks i love the isolation, that's why i cut everyone the fuck out my life with no hesitation i'm lacking patience and i'm craving innovation but i can't seem to find a single shred of motivation yo i'm drowning myself in malt liquor to break out of this rut and pick a different mood but nothing ever seems to change, bought a couple beats today probably never use em but at least my boy grizzly's paid sometimes i wish that i had chosen a different path but there's no way to go back i burnt all my photographs and on behalf of fucking my mental state i'm sorry for the drama but there's no way to set it straight i just keep sleeping i just keep sleeping i just keep sleeping sleeping my days away i just keep sleeping i just keep sleeping i just keep sleeping sleeping my days away [gloom rap] i cant believe that i woke up again after this cocktail of oxys and henn handful of valium makes the room spin my outlooks been bleak when does happiness begin fuck! i'd be content with content why was i born? i never gave consent now i struggle on a daily basis to get through another day even though i hate it can't stand myself, won't look in the mirror cuz everytime i do my ugliness is clearer it ain't just physical i can my mindstate as it deteriates at a high rate don't wanna deal with any of my problems on the real i think i've hit rock bottom cuz now it's common to injest these toxins often, because that's my best option i just keep sleeping i just keep sleeping i just keep sleeping sleeping my days away i just keep sleeping i just keep sleeping i just keep sleeping sleeping my days away [animus] trying to wake up, but i stay stuck in this place of disdain in this hatred in plain sight these insane fucks make me not wanna say much to convey what's on my brain so I stay shut out from the world, i feel like im comatose wanna overdose on life so my soul can grow trying to see stars but the city lights won't condone i'm trying to write a book you people using post it notes but i'm focused though, trying to hold my nose above a heap of bullshit that overflows can't rope a dope forever i gotta throw some blows my face is broken and swolle i can't see my target i can't be alarmed but i can't seem to harness my stampeding heart trapped in this lucid dream till i'm nullified this pyramid scheme of control is the lullaby
4.
02:40
the name is shakelous, and in case you didn't fucking know of it i'll crack your fucking skull to find your brain and take hold of it and wrap it up real tight with some sticks of dynamite release the pressure trigger real slow, now you've had your mind blown to bits you ignorant bitches need a vicious ass kicking if show mercy leaving you breathing i'm failing the mission i'm pacing and wishing to abolish and demolish everything that got you this far, an ima do it, that's a promise that i'm keeping cuz i'm reaping out the souls of these cretins and restoring this fine art by removing the weakness, that you spread with your wackness and bitch tactics hip hop supremacist, and a rap fascist we gotta weed out these quack rap cats spewing lax shit gushing from their lips like your bitch on my mattress massive with speech and the flow nice, hoes like when i kick it slick to em on the phone all night with some other scummy bitch sleeping next to me pressing against me with her ass cheeks still compressing d' testing me ain't really a smart move dude cuz i'll mush your fucking face till your sipping on soft food of the geber variety, and if you try to fucking lie to me i'll make you fuck your own ass bro, that's self sodomy take your main artery and slice it no point of going against me when you know im the nicest cuz i, keep it fresher than some newly squeezed juice while you're as up to date as fucking last years news it's stupid if you thinkin' you can meddle with this monster ill pull your fucking mask off reveal that you the true imposter no scooby doo interested dyslexic bitches asking all their friends "he's who?" it's the venomous nemesis with the sickest of sentences stay ripping it ravenous; my presence is omnipotent while you're just impotent, but that's not a shocker my whole fist is stuck in your chick, please a doctor we need a scalpel over here cuz i peeped your fucking cd now i'm bleeding from the ears
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im not getting out of bed today or tomorrow, the sinking feeling in my throat is too much to swallow feel like throwing up - feel like packing it in feels like blue winter happening all over again feeling so cold and i'm losing my hold my creativity is absent when i'm out a part of the fold all i do, escape to the silence of my own mind isolated for days and i'm hoping that they don't find a reason to reach out 'cuz i ain't picking up your phone call sanity is slipping and i'm hoping that i won't fall but if i do, it's all good, i'll accept the fate i'm way past the point no return, i'm too late i'm trapped inside i'm trapped inside i'm trapped inside i'm trapped inside trapped inside of these four walls all alone this prison that i'm living in is not a home there's no way out but im hoping to find the quickest way to get outta my mind couple beers in the fridge n whiskey in the freezer drawer black out before sunset, wake up at three or four rinse and repeat. any day of the week. depression ain't the only reason vision is bleak i'm just numb apathetic and overly pessimistic my hatred for everything is far from a gimmick its a sickness, deeply embedded in my genetics passed down from my mother, i'm the only one to get it each side of my brain is so odd and deranged i can't even tell the difference when moods changed but, everyone around thinks i'm going insane shut in from from the world is where the fuck i remain
7.
[joey 2 sites] i got my vans on, kohl's sale pants on up in this bitch like a tampon rubber bands on, the outside of my money from LI to philly where it's always mother fucking sunny thigh gripping my side chick and i got one hand on her titty the other holding some fried chicken my spitting fire shit is hotter than your mom's tit first time on the track in 8 years, bomb shit pompous ain't no mother fucking fakes here let me introduce my man dan shakespeare eating fake rappers up until his plates cleared (where's daddy?) at the bottom of the lake dear [shakelous] you better drop to the floor when i enter the building unless you came for the raw then put your hands to the ceiling it's shakelous, the name always flying out your lips back rhyming with the fliest dude that i ever met joey 2 sites and I made sure that my boots tight to kick your fucking ass and turn this cypher to a food fight better pipe n' put the mic down fucker right now im coming to pull your bitch out her night gown and every chick in the place is like whose he all they ever get is cum on their shirt and bruised knees illest mother fuckers ever on beats or loose leaf one inch punching your bitch up in her cunt no Bruce Lee you better get with the style coming up right now everybody in the world straight love the sound we rock on rock on rock on rock on rock on you better get with the style coming up right now everybody in the world straight love the sound we rock on rock on rock on rock on rock on [joey 2 sites] shakes and joey 2 sites, your boy and his bitch i fucked your little sister (woops) Freudian slip i put it in her butt i guess she into that she did some shit i never even seen up on the internet good thing i taped it and sent it into bang bros now the whole world can watch me playing with her mangos i'm just trying to sit around and play call of duty with a thick chick with some big tits and a booty i just wanna get fucked up and make tracks, fuck a southern bitch on the top of a hay stack i like bitches like white bitches love avocado and fuck bitches constantly like Avogadro [shakelous] long islands what I rep, 516 is the number the grid is where I'm at when I'm not balls deep in your mother im a beast in the covers, pounding cheeks till they rupture if they scream for it rougher, leave it three different colors that's red black and blue; the best rapping dude stepping up to your crew like what the fuck you gon' do? suicidal homicidal genocidal fucking zombie at your daughters recital dressed as bill cosby who wanna taste my barbecue sauce? you'll never get back the hours that you lost use your cd to cut your fucking head off 4 iron in your chicks ass is how i get the lead off
8.
04:15
perfection is an art, perpetrated by all you bitches women that don't really know who you are you just project an image of people you see up on your television and roll your eyes when i'm begging you listen to reason, you're bleeding out your soul through your wallet and the vicious cycles gone on too long for you to stop it i can't help but hate, cuz it's so hard to relate you've been lying through your teeth the whole time, it's too late i think it's longer overdue that you take a look around you've burned every bridge that would let you out of this town your friends all came and gone and your family cut ties cuz you're lost deep within your huge wicked web of lies if you could just step back and open up your ears and listen to the preaching you've been avoiding for years you would see that there's people all around who wouldn't care about the past and would always hold you down BUT you would do anything if it gave you more attention and it burns you over and over you haven't learned the lesson cuz you still want to please these people who don't care and then you're crying wondering why no one's ever there when you're at your wits and and you need em the most the people you held close, all turned into ghosts and now you fallen so far and you've lost it all you go through your whole phone and no one answers a call don't you see i'm perfect (no no) they don't know me not not anymore don't you see i'm perfect (no no) they don't know me not not anymore perfection is a front, that's all it's ever gonna be but you refuse to see it when you're standing right in front of me its obvious to everyone, you don't need 20/20 don't bother with excuses, man i've heard more than plenty you can accomplish anything, just gotta work a little harder but you'd rather wait for nothing to happen and play the martyr and as soon as you continue to yield the same results you'll immediately blame someone else for your faults it's a sickness that's bred in the back of your head you'll be taking advantage of every one until they're dead and even after, you'll probably be filled with sick laughter no one ever could have predicted this disaster you're probably the most broken person that i've ever met dragging everyone around you down into the depths any day now all this bullshits gonna be over and youll be looking back at your life knowing that you've blown it don't you see i'm perfect (no no) they don't know me not not anymore don't you see i'm perfect (no no) they don't know me not not anymore bring you down into the ground bring you down bring you down to the ground bring you down into the ground bring you down bring you down don't you see i'm perfect (no no) they don't know me not not anymore don't you see i'm perfect (no no) they don't know me not not anymore
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03:13
im about two seconds away from a hospital visit but gotta take a minute to extinguish all of these critics that be thinking i took my ball and went home, bitch, i chose isolation and to sit on this dead throne i'm hollow to the bone, branded with the dark sign marching alone at the front of the line this isn't hip hop or horrorcore, this is my fucking life manic depressive music from a drunken lunatic, it's nothing nice i don't make mixtapes, and i don't want a record deal i just want to find something in this world that's fucking real i bet that i won't, so accept that i don't give a damn about your plans when my hands around your throat. i fuck like i hate love, my passion is never lacking and misery of others is the reason that i'm laughing thought patterns are a battlefield, my brain is at war im not just dying on the outside, i'm rotten to the core i don't know who i became no more blood is in these veins i don't even know my name there is nothing that remains hollow hollow hollow hollow terrified and petrified i don't ever want to die but something that is deep inside has left my soul petrified hollow hollow hollow hollow there is nothing left for me to say, no line for me to spit it's stan marsh's birthday and everything i see is shit my cynicism is prison and i'll never break free only to writing to myself as a reason to keep these sharp blades away from severing main veins but like bill murray im stuck living the same days no groundhog is ending this winter i stay living in its taking everything i got to stop me from giving in i don't see the point when there's no end in sight and beef's the only time i ever really put a fight every songs about a bitch, i guess this time it's me cuz im always prying open my brain for everyone to see this songs another memoir of the broken and defeated the last moments of my life before i stop breathing and before it's all over i want you all to know that you never knew the real me, but it's time to go i don't know who i became no more blood is in these veins i don't even know my name there is nothing that remains hollow hollow hollow hollow terrified and petrified i don't ever want to die but something that is deep inside has left my soul petrified hollow hollow hollow hollow
11.
years go by and nothing ever seems to change and every single day of my life is the same there's no way out years go by and nothing ever seems to change and every single day of my life is the same there's no way out [shakelous] all i want is to play video games and watch lucha underground but im forced to work and have to move some extra bud around and every single day i come home to my girl smiling deep inside im stressed and been dreaming of fucking violence i wish didn't have to take zoloft to feel human its no solution, i really fucking feel stupid i just drown out the numbness with beats and memes not a drop of happy left, i'm just a hate machine there's no changing the fact that i'm a pessimist i'm getting really sick and want to end this shit the next person that tries to run their lips is getting hit with a mother fucking sunset flip art is the only thing i have left that calms me otherwise i walk this island like a zombie pour my brain out in songs record em and don't release em cuz my life is fucking crazy and motivation is decreasing i watch the days fly by like a time lapse procrastinating when i really should be writing raps but i have no intention, that's a worthless suggestion nothings gonna change till i end this depression and no, there's no cure. i'm so sure. anyone that ever tried to help me got a closed door. stuck in my ways, that's the end of discussion i'm just a product of my own self destruction years go by and nothing ever seems to change and every single day of my life is the same there's no way out years go by and nothing ever seems to change and every single day of my life is the same there's no way out [e the rapper] i complain a lot, and i dwell on all my mistakes cuz i made a lot i say all the hell with all the hate i'ma make it out when it seems like everybody got a basic route exist until we're fading out it's hard for me to find my place to conversate with an honest face without a lot to say would be kind of great when you're alone and your solitude swallows you no one to acknowledge you, you just grab the bottle and swallow, every doubt in you, this pathetic life this is every night why can't i just get it right same old repetition but my brain has become way less forgiven i wasn't meant to finish, i wasn't meant to get it but i still test my limits and invest in shit when i don't really get the fucking picture like i want the fame, and i want it easy i would become amazing, but i speak freely no secrets i can't and i won't keep em i've been feeling week can't stand on my own feet see i've been taking a beating, this is life though every year it's like i'm making just a slight growth never large steps, every days a large mess tried to follow my heart but don't know where my heart went all stressed but i'm on deck for the progress even if it's working hard for these small checks years go by and nothing ever seems to change and every single day of my life is the same there's no way out years go by and nothing ever seems to change and every single day of my life is the same there's no way out
12.
03:54
is anyone out there? can anyone see me? can anyone free me? from within this mental prison i built all these walls so you wouldn't hear me cuz i'm sick of you; and i'm sick of us fighting over nothing turns dangerous cuz you hate the fact that i'm shakelous but it's too late for me to ever change it up the person that i projected became the one that is accepted after all that i've invested i'm finally on the right direction and yes i will protect it regardless if you protest it the next time that i am threatened i'll show you why i'm infected yo the mission never ended for me and i know that you can't stand to see me getting any attention because cuz everything we've got is just a fantasy and i'm halfway out the door now ready for the fall out the next time you dare to come at me all ya gonna see is me walk out fallen i'm fallen i'm fallen i'm fallen i'm fallen every single person that i've pushed away is never coming back and it's sad to say that i'm better off without em never would have doubt that without em i'd never be the man today but they ain't getting any more credit got something to say just dead it yo i'm way better off without pain and loss or watching all my friends go through H withdraws and as i stand here the only one left from the PXC that you can see you're never gonna even come close to the fucking smallest piece of me with hip hop i've defined the dual visions of mind broken through the roots of my truth making moves and i continue to climb out this, hole that i dug for myself and i ain't doing it for no one else getting rid of you was the best thing that i ever did for my own fucking mental health and i, knew i was set up to fall after all done it's inevitable but nothing you ever gon' do is ever gonna ever gonna stop me cuz i am a mother fucking professional fallen i'm fallen i'm fallen i'm fallen i'm fallen
13.

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released January 26, 2016

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