A Midsummer's Nightmare

by Shakelous

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1.
Lights On 03:23
somebody turn the lights on lights please, lights please i can't see, i can't breathe somebody turn the lights on i can't see i can't dream lights please, lights please if you could share a single little second of your life i could absorb some of your light and escape from the night i'm tired of fighting and rhyming and losing my track of time'n and outer body tripping seeing myself failing and flalin' i'm torn thin within; uncomfortable when thinking 'bout your skin's sins men with no permission that you couldn't keep from getting it in lost every drop of sanity betting to win engulfed in this darkness drags me deeper i'm sinking again i need a pure vision not disturbing, just vivid a reason for the these seasons, never learning, just livid i'm keen to these feelings, got me turning, not spinning these mid winter nightmares are the reason i'm spitting so somebody turn the lights on lights please, lights please i can't see, i can't breathe somebody turn the lights on i can't see i can't dream lights please, lights please i'm torn between your hell on earth and false thoughts of heaven and everything i made up in between that you remembered i was too naive to think i was more cunning than a fox now i'm just a memory taped up in your box it's four o' clock, and i ain't slept in three days got two bucks left and one brain that's dead weight my head being straight, is something that you've been waiting for its not impossible, but something you'll never be ready for you petty whore, the perfect angel in flight these double sided notion travels farthest from right and left next aside, i ditched all your lies and fed em to the demons that slept and crept inside my mind somebody turn the lights on lights please, lights please i can't see, i can't breathe somebody turn the lights on i can't see i can't dream lights please, lights please
2.
Heartless 03:55
this seasonal accompaniment of manic depression is the reason that i'm panicked and can't breathe when i am questioned about the reasons i've been living on the brink of self destruction and been sucking bottles dry i'm sick of my over consumption if i'm not chasing a permanent black out for reasons undiscovered i'm passed out till 4PM wrapped up in my covers and i've been sluggish taking this path to fix others still dwelling in the dreams where i'm slashing the wrist of her even though i ditched that fucking bitch a couple of months back i still ain't recovered from all this mess in her tracks but things are great now, sir bigs keeping me in check i'm paying off my all debts delivering what is my best yet but i've been thinking back regressing bout these bitches i abused and the dudes from different crews i took advantage and used never thinking that my life was affecting any others i'm the worst role model for my three younger brothers it's been this way all along since the day that his mother gave life and he's never gonna change he's heartless, (thinking i got love to give, no) heartless (a reckless little son of a bitch) it's been this way all along since the day that his mother gave life and he's never gonna change he's heartless, (thinking i got love to give, no) heartless (a reckless little son of a bitch) the main reason i even started making music was to loosen the strain my brain inflicted somehow find the solution through all these like minded ear to the ground hip hop relatives but all i did was blow my cash on tobacco and sedatives rock a couple shows, fuck a lot of chicks see a couple doctors 'bout this weird shit on my dick now somehow i'm back to where i was at day one with a LP, 5 EPs, and an illegitimate son that i've never got to see, got no idea where his mom is but i've kept my shit real, never breaking that promise to be one hundred% till the fucking day of my death even though i feel closer than i ever have yet slow suicide, is this fucking life that i am living imprisoned by doubt can't cope with this addiction to the mic, to the money to the chicks, to the liquor no waking up from this nightmare i'm forced to live it it's been this way all along since the day that his mother gave life and he's never gonna change he's heartless, (thinking i got love to give, no) heartless (a reckless little son of a bitch) it's been this way all along since the day that his mother gave life and he's never gonna change he's heartless, (thinking i got love to give, no) heartless (a reckless little son of a bitch) the person you that you meet in public is a puppet i'm not lying i can't seem to ditch the act and rise above it i've been clawing at the surface, fingernails worn to the bone pacing back and fourth alone in my home and all my words are selfish, i don't expect you to understand the audio perspective of the mic in my hands as i grasp these pages that i have formed in to religion i'm shouting this aloud as some form of exorcism of this pain i've caused all my friends and my family for the last two years, i know everyone has had it with me being so stressed and absent of my sanity but if you want some fucking beef i dare you to take a fucking stab at me it's been this way all along since the day that his mother gave life and he's never gonna change he's heartless, (thinking i got love to give, no) heartless (a reckless little son of a bitch) it's been this way all along since the day that his mother gave life and he's never gonna change he's heartless, (thinking i got love to give, no) heartless (a reckless little son of a bitch)
3.
5AM 02:57
only start typing and writing when it's past five because i'm usually too busy watching life pass by i can't seem to think clear when i'm not sleep deprived because my brain is clouded by insecurities and lies only start typing and writing when it's past five only start typing and writing when it's past five i wake up pissed, and go to sleep more so with a sinking feeling eating away in my torso and anyone that's asking ain't getting any answers cuz the darkness that i'm living in is spreading like a cancer and this winter ain't cold enough to keep my fucking fever down anger seething from within and i can see it seeping out i'll make another song about the shit that is inside of me cuz i can't seem to quit my fucking crippling anxiety this ain't a pity party; i don't want your charity and i won't apologize for whatever i did to make you mad at me i won't be the guy that you used to know i'm going back to burning demo tapes and making songs like INFAMO i'll drop my guard down cuz there's no one left to stop me now but if i hang myself somebody please just come and cut me down cuz i won't let bigs or trey find me like that i wish someone was here to stop me from writing this track only start typing and writing when it's past five because i'm usually too busy watching life pass by i can't seem to think clear when i'm not sleep deprived because my brain is clouded by insecurities and lies only start typing and writing when it's past five only start typing and writing when it's past five i've lost too many friends in the last couple of years, not counting ones i pushed away 'cuz of my doubt and my fears it seems like everyone is living like today could be their last, except me; i'm just a sarcastic and cynical bitter ass stuck in my ways and yo' there is no escaping even though i know the whole worlds out there for the taking i'll just stay in the crib and ignore whoevers calling cuz my state of mind is lower than it's ever been, and falling yo, escapism is my whole basis of living i've never known motivation or how it feels to be driven i fuck women, break their hearts and leave 'em in pieces and when they ask why i did it i just make up the reasons the truth is too far down for anyone to find it, confront me on my bullshit watch how quickly i deny yo, the sickness is spreading and i'll continue to let it and when theres nothing left of me maybe you'll finally get it (or maybe not) only start typing and writing when it's past five because i'm usually too busy watching life pass by i can't seem to think clear when i'm not sleep deprived because my brain is clouded by insecurities and lies only start typing and writing when it's past five only start typing and writing when it's past five
4.
Looking For 03:10
im still breathing; that's gotta count for something just kill all them grey days and let the sun in my brains buzzing on the thoughts of all my new creations and your private messages littered with ya hatred my skills all maxed out but i still ain't found cuz i just kick it with my boys in truly underground it's weak ends in the pocket by the time the week ends she thinks she's by my side but it's all just pretend delusional thoughts, in her hollowed out mind i should probably be scared of what she's looking to find but i; trek on no reason to turn back you lie through your teeth like you do on your back you stumble and crawl, through these empty halls and play crack the sky until it actually falls and i know you wish that you were next to me now 'cuz i remain strong and watch as you practically drown you're always looking for something that's not really there blame your issues on me baby, i don't care because i'm looking for something yeah i'm looking for something heard you're looking for something (is someone out there?) you're always looking for something that's not really there blame your issues on me baby, i don't care because i'm looking for something yeah i'm looking for something heard you're looking for something (is anyone out there?) the hours fly by like them clouds in the sky leaving us to look on with no final goodbyes not like i would even do that after what you did, and you're crazy if you think i'm letting you back in 'cuz i escaped and erased everything that meant something like them pills in your bottle and your over assumptions i wrote em all off in this page of the book there's plenty of other mother fuckers left for you to hook so when you checking all the corners and behind every curtain thinking i might be there; feeling kind of uncertain like, "dan's not the person you really thought he was" bitch, i told you not to fuck with me as soon it begun so here's an audio demonstration of what i'm capable of i'll tell you straight that nah, we never fucking shared love not for one minute, not for one single second as soon as you hear this record you'll know that i fucking meant it you're always looking for something that's not really there blame your issues on me baby, i don't care because i'm looking for something yeah i'm looking for something heard you're looking for something (is someone out there?) you're always looking for something that's not really there blame your issues on me baby, i don't care because i'm looking for something yeah i'm looking for something heard you're looking for something (is anyone out there?) hello? i thought i saw you earlier today but it probably wasn't you but i don't know i thought i'd just let you know you're always looking for something that's not really there blame your issues on me baby, i don't care because i'm looking for something yeah i'm looking for something heard you're looking for something (is someone out there?) you're always looking for something that's not really there blame your issues on me baby, i don't care because i'm looking for something yeah i'm looking for something heard you're looking for something (is anyone out there?) is someone out there? is anyone out there? is someone out there? is anyone out there?
5.
Slipped Away 03:10
i wrote this song in last july recorded it this winter knew i had to touch back on the track and make it thinner cuz my transparency is becoming more apparent truly a descendant of both of my misguided parents part of a misguided youth; sticking out like a crooked tooth refuse to end up on the first page of the news over some dumb shit by some dumb clique i used to roll with used to have a grip on my brain now i can't hold it anymore, cuz i'm fucking with these stupid bitches that don't understand i got a mental condition; yo i am sick, i can really use your fucking help but you're too busy trying to be like everybody else that ain't a life to have and i'm right to have a fucking grievence when we hate eachother for so many fucking different reasons i wanna leave but i can't 'cuz you're the only one left that'll listen to me rant everyday just slipped away when i was busy looking in your eyes wanted to cure what brings you pain and never ever tell you a lie so i let you crawl deeper in my mind than anyone i met before knew it would only end in pain but i refused to walk out that door i'm a glutton for punishment addicted to isolation contradicting myself by always craving your relation wanna be with you need to be inside of you but at the same time, i can't stand the sight of you you make me wanna stop taking all my fucking meds like i don't need 'em but at the same time take a handful and eat 'em and i'm sick of you crying over facebook drama trying to pass the blame along and make yourself to be the martyr i used to do shit, used to be somebody used to have friends now i'm praying everyday that the fucking world ends that's a pipe dream i ain't on the right team destened for hell fire ain't getting no bright beams and that's that every single one of us will die alone i as i continue to vent directly into my microphone and keep praying someone will eventually get the message and maybe they can rise up and overcome their depression everyday just slipped away when i was busy looking in your eyes wanted to cure what brings you pain and never ever tell you a lie so i let you crawl deeper in my mind than anyone i met before knew it would only end in pain but i refused to walk out that door
6.
it's like i owe everybody cash don't know how to pay it back so i'm selling cds pouring my heart out on every track but it's like fuck that, 'cuz i'm one of the best that's around but i feel like a ghost when i'm walking in town this manic depression spreads in my brain it's so infectous so many roads to travel but none seem worth the effort so i carve each word into the pad with a pen and recite em to myself over and over again somebody get me down (woah) 'cuz i haven't seen the ground and i don't know where i'm going can anyone hear me now? (woah) i cannot hear a sound and i don't know i don't know where i am its a sick process and i'm sitting naueous with no clue where to go or what to do, thoughtless these hours and days go by with no place to hide looking for some clarity but it is no where to find i'm alone in thought with my friends all around and they don't know who i am and they're not really down i question myself; and you should too because what the fuck is it that we really do? yo, nothings really worth it and it's time they pulled the curtains any props that i'm given you probably don't deserve 'em i'm the black sheep standing out in the rain looking for the quickest way outta my own brain somebody get me down (woah) 'cuz i haven't seen the ground and i don't know where i'm going can anyone hear me now? (woah) i cannot hear a sound and i don't know i don't know where i am there's something boiling up something i can't seem to get around these women held me close and now they want me in the ground i never earned nothing, in all my time spent i just wait for the weekend kick back and get bent drink till i black out find my way home and crash out repeat the process over and over until i'm cashed out full of doubts; full of questions unanswered too deep in the dark it multiples like cancer i got nothing left just words and the booth and enough sad songs for every last one of you i stumble through; every single step of my life if this is as good as it gets tell me that ain't right because this can't be my end i won't play pretend won't put the mic down, bow out, place your bets 'cuz i've never lied once since my bootleg demo while you're faking and hating but never touching this level somebody get me down (woah) 'cuz i haven't seen the ground and i don't know where i'm going can anyone hear me now? (woah) i cannot hear a sound and i don't know i don't know where i am

credits

released November 25, 2012

All Tracks Produced by Black Light
Recorded at the Hart Dungeon in Plainview, NY
Mastered by Ape Spit Studios
Additional Vocals on Tracks 1 & 6 by Corbett
Additional Vocals on Track 2 by MNM
Additional Vocals on Track 4 by Heatha

SOUNDSKAM 2012 LINY

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