A Midsummer's Nightmare

by Shakelous

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1.
03:23
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2.
03:55
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3.
02:57
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4.
03:10
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5.
03:10
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6.
03:38
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credits

released November 25, 2012

All Tracks Produced by Black Light
Recorded at the Hart Dungeon in Plainview, NY
Mastered by Ape Spit Studios
Additional Vocals on Tracks 1 & 6 by Corbett
Additional Vocals on Track 2 by MNM
Additional Vocals on Track 4 by Heatha

SOUNDSKAM 2012 LINY

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all rights reserved

tags

Track Name: Lights On
somebody turn the lights on
lights please, lights please i can't see, i can't breathe
somebody turn the lights on
i can't see i can't dream lights please, lights please

if you could share a single
little second of your life
i could absorb some of your light
and escape from the night
i'm tired of fighting and rhyming
and losing my track of time'n
and outer body tripping
seeing myself failing and flalin'
i'm torn thin within; uncomfortable
when thinking 'bout your skin's sins
men with no permission
that you couldn't keep from getting it in
lost every drop of sanity betting to win
engulfed in this darkness
drags me deeper i'm sinking again
i need a pure vision
not disturbing, just vivid
a reason for the these seasons,
never learning, just livid
i'm keen to these feelings,
got me turning, not spinning
these mid winter nightmares
are the reason i'm spitting so

somebody turn the lights on
lights please, lights please
i can't see, i can't breathe
somebody turn the lights on
i can't see i can't dream
lights please, lights please

i'm torn between your hell on earth
and false thoughts of heaven
and everything i made up
in between that you remembered
i was too naive to think
i was more cunning than a fox
now i'm just a memory
taped up in your box
it's four o' clock,
and i ain't slept in three days
got two bucks left
and one brain that's dead weight
my head being straight,
is something that you've been waiting for
its not impossible,
but something you'll never be ready for
you petty whore, the perfect angel in flight
these double sided notion travels farthest from right
and left next aside,
i ditched all your lies
and fed em to the demons
that slept and crept inside my mind

somebody turn the lights on
lights please, lights please
i can't see, i can't breathe
somebody turn the lights on
i can't see i can't dream
lights please, lights please
Track Name: Heartless
this seasonal accompaniment
of manic depression
is the reason that i'm panicked
and can't breathe when i am questioned
about the reasons i've been living
on the brink of self destruction
and been sucking bottles dry
i'm sick of my over consumption
if i'm not chasing a permanent black out
for reasons undiscovered
i'm passed out till 4PM
wrapped up in my covers
and i've been sluggish
taking this path to fix others
still dwelling in the dreams
where i'm slashing the wrist of her
even though i ditched that fucking bitch
a couple of months back
i still ain't recovered
from all this mess in her tracks
but things are great now,
sir bigs keeping me in check
i'm paying off my all debts
delivering what is my best yet
but i've been thinking back
regressing bout these bitches i abused
and the dudes from different crews
i took advantage and used
never thinking that my life
was affecting any others
i'm the worst role model
for my three younger brothers

it's been this way all along since the day
that his mother gave life
and he's never gonna change
he's heartless, (thinking i got love to give, no)
heartless (a reckless little son of a bitch)
it's been this way all along since the day
that his mother gave life
and he's never gonna change
he's heartless, (thinking i got love to give, no)
heartless (a reckless little son of a bitch)

the main reason i even started
making music was to loosen
the strain my brain inflicted
somehow find the solution
through all these like minded
ear to the ground hip hop relatives
but all i did was blow my cash
on tobacco and sedatives
rock a couple shows, fuck a lot of chicks
see a couple doctors 'bout this weird shit on my dick
now somehow i'm back to where i was at day one
with a LP, 5 EPs, and an illegitimate son
that i've never got to see,
got no idea where his mom is
but i've kept my shit real,
never breaking that promise
to be one hundred%
till the fucking day of my death
even though i feel closer
than i ever have yet
slow suicide, is this fucking life that i am living
imprisoned by doubt
can't cope with this addiction
to the mic, to the money
to the chicks, to the liquor
no waking up from this nightmare
i'm forced to live it

it's been this way all along since the day
that his mother gave life
and he's never gonna change
he's heartless, (thinking i got love to give, no)
heartless (a reckless little son of a bitch)
it's been this way all along since the day
that his mother gave life
and he's never gonna change
he's heartless, (thinking i got love to give, no)
heartless (a reckless little son of a bitch)

the person you that you meet
in public is a puppet
i'm not lying i can't seem to ditch the act
and rise above it
i've been clawing at the surface,
fingernails worn to the bone
pacing back and fourth
alone in my home
and all my words are selfish,
i don't expect you to understand
the audio perspective
of the mic in my hands
as i grasp these pages
that i have formed in to religion
i'm shouting this aloud
as some form of exorcism
of this pain i've caused
all my friends and my family
for the last two years,
i know everyone has had it with me
being so stressed
and absent of my sanity
but if you want some fucking beef
i dare you to take a fucking stab at me

it's been this way all along since the day
that his mother gave life
and he's never gonna change
he's heartless, (thinking i got love to give, no)
heartless (a reckless little son of a bitch)
it's been this way all along since the day
that his mother gave life
and he's never gonna change
he's heartless, (thinking i got love to give, no)
heartless (a reckless little son of a bitch)
Track Name: 5AM
only start typing and writing
when it's past five
because i'm usually too busy
watching life pass by
i can't seem to think clear
when i'm not sleep deprived
because my brain is clouded
by insecurities and lies
only start typing and writing
when it's past five
only start typing and writing
when it's past five

i wake up pissed,
and go to sleep more so
with a sinking feeling
eating away in my torso
and anyone that's asking
ain't getting any answers
cuz the darkness that i'm living in
is spreading like a cancer
and this winter ain't cold enough
to keep my fucking fever down
anger seething from within
and i can see it seeping out
i'll make another song
about the shit that is inside of me
cuz i can't seem to quit
my fucking crippling anxiety
this ain't a pity party;
i don't want your charity
and i won't apologize
for whatever i did to make you mad at me
i won't be the guy that you used to know
i'm going back to burning demo tapes
and making songs like INFAMO
i'll drop my guard down
cuz there's no one left to stop me now
but if i hang myself
somebody please just come and cut me down
cuz i won't let bigs or trey
find me like that
i wish someone was here
to stop me from writing this track

only start typing and writing
when it's past five
because i'm usually too busy
watching life pass by
i can't seem to think clear
when i'm not sleep deprived
because my brain is clouded
by insecurities and lies
only start typing and writing
when it's past five
only start typing and writing
when it's past five

i've lost too many friends
in the last couple of years,
not counting ones i pushed away
'cuz of my doubt and my fears
it seems like everyone is living
like today could be their last,
except me; i'm just a sarcastic
and cynical bitter ass
stuck in my ways and yo'
there is no escaping
even though i know the whole worlds
out there for the taking
i'll just stay in the crib
and ignore whoevers calling
cuz my state of mind is lower
than it's ever been, and falling
yo, escapism is my whole basis of living
i've never known motivation
or how it feels to be driven
i fuck women, break their hearts
and leave 'em in pieces
and when they ask why i did it
i just make up the reasons
the truth is too far down
for anyone to find it,
confront me on my bullshit
watch how quickly i deny
yo, the sickness is spreading
and i'll continue to let it
and when theres nothing left of me
maybe you'll finally get it
(or maybe not)

only start typing and writing
when it's past five
because i'm usually too busy
watching life pass by
i can't seem to think clear
when i'm not sleep deprived
because my brain is clouded
by insecurities and lies
only start typing and writing
when it's past five
only start typing and writing
when it's past five
Track Name: Looking For
im still breathing;
that's gotta count for something
just kill all them grey days
and let the sun in
my brains buzzing on the thoughts
of all my new creations
and your private messages
littered with ya hatred
my skills all maxed out
but i still ain't found
cuz i just kick it with my boys
in truly underground
it's weak ends in the pocket
by the time the week ends
she thinks she's by my side
but it's all just pretend
delusional thoughts,
in her hollowed out mind
i should probably be scared
of what she's looking to find
but i; trek on
no reason to turn back
you lie through your teeth
like you do on your back
you stumble and crawl,
through these empty halls
and play crack the sky
until it actually falls
and i know you wish
that you were next to me now
'cuz i remain strong and watch
as you practically drown

you're always looking for something
that's not really there
blame your issues on me baby,
i don't care
because i'm looking for something
yeah i'm looking for something
heard you're looking for something
(is someone out there?)
you're always looking for something
that's not really there
blame your issues on me baby,
i don't care
because i'm looking for something
yeah i'm looking for something
heard you're looking for something
(is anyone out there?)

the hours fly by
like them clouds in the sky
leaving us to look on
with no final goodbyes
not like i would even do that
after what you did,
and you're crazy if you think
i'm letting you back in
'cuz i escaped and erased
everything that meant something
like them pills in your bottle
and your over assumptions
i wrote em all off
in this page of the book
there's plenty of other
mother fuckers left for you to hook
so when you checking all the corners
and behind every curtain
thinking i might be there;
feeling kind of uncertain like,
"dan's not the person
you really thought he was"
bitch, i told you
not to fuck with me
as soon it begun
so here's an audio demonstration
of what i'm capable of
i'll tell you straight that nah,
we never fucking shared love
not for one minute,
not for one single second
as soon as you hear this record
you'll know that i fucking meant it

you're always looking for something
that's not really there
blame your issues on me baby,
i don't care
because i'm looking for something
yeah i'm looking for something
heard you're looking for something
(is someone out there?)
you're always looking for something
that's not really there
blame your issues on me baby,
i don't care
because i'm looking for something
yeah i'm looking for something
heard you're looking for something
(is anyone out there?)

hello? i thought i saw you earlier today
but it probably wasn't you
but i don't know
i thought i'd just let you know

you're always looking for something
that's not really there
blame your issues on me baby,
i don't care
because i'm looking for something
yeah i'm looking for something
heard you're looking for something
(is someone out there?)
you're always looking for something
that's not really there
blame your issues on me baby,
i don't care
because i'm looking for something
yeah i'm looking for something
heard you're looking for something
(is anyone out there?)

is someone out there?
is anyone out there?
is someone out there?
is anyone out there?
Track Name: Slipped Away
i wrote this song in last july
recorded it this winter
knew i had to touch back on the track
and make it thinner
cuz my transparency
is becoming more apparent
truly a descendant of
both of my misguided parents
part of a misguided youth;
sticking out like a crooked tooth
refuse to end up
on the first page of the news
over some dumb shit
by some dumb clique
i used to roll with
used to have a grip on my brain
now i can't hold it anymore,
cuz i'm fucking with these
stupid bitches that don't understand
i got a mental condition;
yo i am sick, i can really use
your fucking help
but you're too busy
trying to be like everybody else
that ain't a life to have
and i'm right
to have a fucking grievence
when we hate eachother
for so many fucking different reasons
i wanna leave but i can't
'cuz you're the only one left
that'll listen to me rant

everyday just slipped away
when i was busy looking in your eyes
wanted to cure what brings you pain
and never ever tell you a lie
so i let you crawl deeper in my mind
than anyone i met before
knew it would only end in pain
but i refused to walk out that door

i'm a glutton for punishment
addicted to isolation
contradicting myself by always
craving your relation
wanna be with you
need to be inside of you
but at the same time,
i can't stand the sight of you
you make me wanna
stop taking all my fucking meds
like i don't need 'em
but at the same time
take a handful and eat 'em
and i'm sick of you crying
over facebook drama
trying to pass the blame along
and make yourself to be the martyr
i used to do shit,
used to be somebody
used to have friends
now i'm praying everyday
that the fucking world ends
that's a pipe dream
i ain't on the right team
destened for hell fire
ain't getting no bright beams
and that's that
every single one of us
will die alone
i as i continue to vent
directly into my microphone
and keep praying someone
will eventually get the message
and maybe they can rise up
and overcome their depression

everyday just slipped away
when i was busy looking in your eyes
wanted to cure what brings you pain
and never ever tell you a lie
so i let you crawl deeper in my mind
than anyone i met before
knew it would only end in pain
but i refused to walk out that door
Track Name: Where I'm Going
it's like i owe everybody cash
don't know how to pay it back
so i'm selling cds
pouring my heart out on every track
but it's like fuck that,
'cuz i'm one of the best that's around
but i feel like a ghost
when i'm walking in town
this manic depression
spreads in my brain
it's so infectous
so many roads to travel
but none seem worth the effort
so i carve each word
into the pad with a pen
and recite em to myself
over and over again

somebody get me down (woah)
'cuz i haven't seen the ground
and i don't know where i'm going
can anyone hear me now? (woah)
i cannot hear a sound
and i don't know
i don't know where i am

its a sick process
and i'm sitting naueous
with no clue where to go
or what to do, thoughtless
these hours and days go by
with no place to hide
looking for some clarity
but it is no where to find
i'm alone in thought
with my friends all around
and they don't know who i am
and they're not really down
i question myself;
and you should too
because what the fuck is it
that we really do? yo,
nothings really worth it and
it's time they pulled the curtains
any props that i'm given
you probably don't deserve 'em
i'm the black sheep
standing out in the rain
looking for the quickest way
outta my own brain

somebody get me down (woah)
'cuz i haven't seen the ground
and i don't know where i'm going
can anyone hear me now? (woah)
i cannot hear a sound
and i don't know
i don't know where i am

there's something boiling up
something i can't seem to get around
these women held me close
and now they want me in the ground
i never earned nothing,
in all my time spent
i just wait for the weekend
kick back and get bent
drink till i black out
find my way home and crash out
repeat the process
over and over until i'm cashed out
full of doubts;
full of questions unanswered
too deep in the dark
it multiples like cancer
i got nothing left
just words and the booth
and enough sad songs
for every last one of you
i stumble through;
every single step of my life
if this is as good as it gets
tell me that ain't right
because this can't be my end
i won't play pretend
won't put the mic down,
bow out, place your bets
'cuz i've never lied once
since my bootleg demo
while you're faking and hating
but never touching this level

somebody get me down (woah)
'cuz i haven't seen the ground
and i don't know where i'm going
can anyone hear me now? (woah)
i cannot hear a sound
and i don't know
i don't know where i am